What I learned from unschooling
2 07 2007
(Or what I know now that I didn’t know then)
I learned what schooling doesn’t teach.
School doesn’t teach you about the diversity of life. That comes from an exposure to a varied assortment of experiences, people, and places. It doesn’t come from being assigned every aspect of your life. It doesn’t come from spending each day involved solely with people your own age, from your close knit neighborhood, and certainly not from being encouraged to socialize with only those of your same socio economic background. Children are often bullied into associations with only members of their same sex, until puberty, at which time those associations are then deemed unnatural and replaced by the pressure to become sexual. From the uniformity of lessons to the uniformity of a boxed lunch, there’s nothing original about most schooling processes.
Schooling doesn’t teach you to make choices. Every choice is made for you, either through direct command, or through the subtle social pressure of “fitting in”. Individual goals are suppressed for the good of the social norm; those goals tied to the economics of school being a consumer product - expectation of a tangible in return for tax money. Performance oriented instead of looking at the long term goals of being able to reason, teachers are not retained if they don’t produce. When the concept of schooling became a governmental authority, it ceased being a process by which students learned HOW to learn and became an assembly line of conformity.
Schooling doesn’t teach a student how to establish boundaries. Everything is accepted, nothing is rejected. Associations are formed not by common interest, but by common availability. Discernment within associations is not taught because it’s not acceptable to reject those associations. A student is forced to remain in contact with every other student, regardless of their vulnerability, or their inability to protect themselves from undesirable contact. How does this mirror real life in any way? Forced socialization is an attribute of closed societies (like the military), not the communities in which each of strive to live in.
Schooling doesn’t teach family structure. It replaces the authority of the parent with the authority of the state. The emphasis of cooperation in a peer group takes precedence over maintaining the family relationship. Eventually, family routines and rituals become less important than the bonds formed with teachers and friends outside the family. Sibling friendships? Sibling rivalry is the socialized norm now.
School has no role in learning to deal with the trials of living with adversity. Broken relationships, deaths, tragic occurrences of disaster, both natural and induced by terror organizations; how does a government agency step in and teach a child how to pick up the pieces, how to again find joy, how to simply go on? They don’t. Not only do they lack the aptitude to treat children as individuals, they have neither the resources nor the RIGHT to attempt such deep issues - issues that present themselves to children every single day.
School is about conformity. There’s no process by which individuals learn what makes them unique. Interests are directed by peers and forced social activities, a limited number of each. A child learns to conform or is subjected to torment for being different.
That’s what schools don’t teach. That’s what socialization is. It’s not teaching, and it’s not learning. It’s control. It’s absorbing the opinions of others and calling them your own. Without thought.
Embrace difference. Know that learning is happening, because the process of learning is subtle. It doesn’t happen when you expect, it happens in the moments inbetween. And sometimes it hurts.
I’ll take my unsocialized unschoolers any day. I don’t always agree with them, sometimes they’re PITA’s, but dang, at least they’re original.
Related Tags: homeschool, unschool, homeschooling, unschooling
*applause*
Excellent post.
*********
It’s become clear over the years that “socialization” is just defined in American society as “attending a school and accumulating the memories and experiences associated with a school upbringing.”
*********
That’s what o.h. posted on Daryl Cobranchi’s blog — http://cobranchi.com/?p=7759#comments — and I find it very helpful when thinking of these things.
Nance
Superb!
Bravo! I’ve been having very similar thoughts lately but could never say it so clearly and eloquently!
Hi Doc - print this out while it’s on open access this week, and save for future reference. A lifetime of investigation to discover what you learned at home with your kids!
The Cultural Myths and Realities of Classroom Teaching and Learning”:
” . . .I have slowly become aware of how much of what we do in schools and what we believe about teaching and learning is a matter of cultural routines and myths. What is more, much of the research on teaching and learning in classrooms is itself caught up in the same rituals and myths and sustains rather than challenges these prevailing beliefs.”
Absolutely. What’s crazy is that it needs to be pointed out. How is it that millions of people seem to not see it?
After 2 decades of homeschooling, I expect NOT to have to keep answering the stupid “socialization” question, especially when my kids are so incredibly, well, I was going to say “normal” but they’re not, not in the public school sense. They obviously think for themselves, make excellent choices, and can converse socially with ANYONE. Yet, just recently, while helping my daughter apply to a program she wants to take part in, that question did come up. Even AFTER the panel interviewed my daughter (where she did GREAT), one eduidiot just couldn’t restrain herself, she had to ask the other panel members if they thought homeschoolers could ever be socially mature enough to work in a position of public leadership. The others all looked at her as if she had three heads and said “yes”.
I can always depend on your blog to cure a case of homeschool doubt.
You’ve reminded me exactly why I hated school!
What an awesome post! It is amazing that so many people don’t realize what school is really about. Thanks to Lesa for sending me here.
Amen, Sister Friend! That is just what I needed. A good swift kick in the ass.
Both of my boys are in swim lessons and today, mine were the only ones that looked outside the box, so to speak, which of course it not “appropriate” for swim class. I don’t think we are going back next week.
I think I’ll print and frame that!
Great post! I’m glad to hear your brother’s doing better and you’re enjoying at least a little of your summer.
You always know just what to say Doc and at the right time. I had been involved in a discussion about whether or not we could call ourselves unschoolers (the problem in my house apparently is that my kids do too much bookwork???) Well, they like learning, is that a bad thing?
I have been visiting your blog for nearly a year now and if it wasn’t for reading your posts I probably wouldn’t have kept at it.
So thank you, for being an inspiration and sharing your resources and advice. Its very much appreciated, you have raised a wonderful group of kids and should be very proud of them all and yourself.
Cheers
What an amazing post! It completely sums up how I feel about unschooling too.
Hi,
Thanks for this excellent site. This post has some strong absolutes that made me want to defend school (even as a committed home schooling parent).
School is a complex set of institutions with many strengths and many weaknesses. Many kids come out of school well prepared, balanced, and unique. There are valid arguments on both sides of these issues. It is important to continually evaluate each child’s situation and set of circumstances.
At home school gatherings, I often feel that a good number of the kids could benefit from a little dose of reality called, “school”. They could learn that they are not always the center of the universe. They could learn to stand up on their own without having mommy and daddy hovering over them pinching their cheek and saying how wonderful they are. They could be exposed to diversity of opinions and people (Look at the narrow world views of many home schooling religious zealots). They could run school’s gauntlet of choices with the constant peer pressure and grade pressure, and demonstrate that they can rise to a challenge and make responsible choices on their own. They could take tests, deal with deadlines, and experience same age group activities. Heck, some could do well to attend school to score a date.
I am not advocating sending kids to school if they have been victimized, or your local school is horrible for whatever reason (and I know there are MANY reasons). I just think that we often do our kids a disservice by vilifying schools, teachers, and the kids having a traditional school experience. I think it is best for kids to have as much choice as possible about where and how they want to learn. Sometimes, school might be a good option, or the best option. Most people in the schools have good intentions and valuable skills in helping students as learners and individuals. Many times caring teachers and school officials are the only ones addressing deep issues in children’s lives.
One additional note: We, as home schooling parents, have to continue to answer the same ignorant questions to help the honestly uninformed.
Best regards,
Zack
awesome! I am going to dirct the readers of my blog to this post! Thanks!
This is such an amazing post! Is it ok if I link it in my sidebar?
Laura
You know, Zack, it’s infuriating to repeatedly come across the same stereotypes over and over from those who don’t know any homeschoolers. But to hear them from a homeschooling parent is beyond frustrating!
I don’t know any homeschoolers who fit the stereotype.
Thanks for this Doc. It summarizes a lot of why we homeschool as well.
Sandy