Life without kids
29 05 2008This is my entry for the May 30th edition of The Thinking Parents Wiki
“What would you be doing right now if you had no kids?”
Well, that’s kind of how life is *now*. It’s pretty relaxed and quiet. I don’t spend my time cleaning up after kids, nagging kids, or schoolin’ kids. I still do a bit of worrying about kids. In that respect, if they’d never existed, I guess I wouldn’t have anyone but me to worry about. I’d probably worry about “stuff” instead.
Prior to having children, I didn’t want any. My ex partner worked on me for a couple of years. She wanted to be a stay at home mom. I was perfectly happy with the life we had - inner city SE Portland, very stereotypical lesbian household with cats, a remodeled bungalow in Hawthorne, and a gay man living in the basement. I had my academics, my research, my softball, and my gay lifestyle. Kids? Me? I really couldn’t picture it.
Yet she nagged. Cajoled. Promised me she’d take care of them. I felt like we were planning to get a puppy, not get pregnant. I assumed that either way - my life wouldn’t change. Right?
She can’t have children. More cajoling. Okay! Use my uterus, just shut up already. One easy pregnancy, I mean super easy and we had ourselves a little family. We moved to the farm. Life was wonderful. Then we did it again. Only, we got half a six pack. Life went on - but it was crazier. I went to work to escape the chaos. She did the mom thing.
Then she left. And my life changed dramatically. Goodbye academics. Goodbye research. Hello full time mommy. I’ve been incredibly blessed and happy with this life.
So how would it be different? I probably would not have moved here. I would be head of my department (ha ha, maybe). My ex would have left me and I would have had a string of cute women to take her place - but I’d likely be single with cats now. I would be a boring stereotypical activist lesbian still living in SE, with a gay man or two in the basement. Instead of trust funds for my children, I’d be a patron of stupid causes. I would be vegan and drive a car that burns McDonald’s french fries - in other words, I’d be incredibly boring, a cookie cutter repeat of all my neighbors. Softball in the spring, bowling league in the winter. Lots of pride activities. I’d have high blood pressure from worrying about gay marriage, the rights of those living in Tibet, and public radio. I wouldn’t be blogging. Or, if I were, it would be about gay marriage, Tibet, and public radio. I’d be super supportive of my local public schools. I would have no clue what “denim jumper” referred to.
And I’d think homeschoolers were weirdos.
I have tried to write something for this one, and I’ve edited everything I’ve come up with. It’s really hard to approach.
I dunno. I bet one of those hypothetical cute girls might have tempted you into moving to the country and buying goats even if you didn’t have kids. There is a lesbian stereotype that looks pretty much like your crazy life now (maybe without the kids and homeschooling). Maybe that’s the solution to your big empty house — rent a couple of rooms to gay men
No JoVE, rent them to a handful of cute lesbians!
Like sam, I’ve tried and struggled with this one. Now I see there’s no need — Doc has done it for me! The demographic details may differ but the power of story is spot on. What a perfect post. . .
[…] JJ thinks about this topic: See Doc’s Domain for a better post on this than you’re likely to see, at least from me. Although hmmm, maybe I […]
Hey… it’s so good to know I’m not the only homeschooler out there who wasn’t planning on having kids from the time I could wrap my wee brain around the notion. And your description of the idyllic Hawthorne OPB-supporter bungalow lifestyle is way too funny. Funny ’cause it’s true.
We planned on 4 and have 10. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
Thanks for sharing your love for your children.
You? Boring? Nope. Uh-uh. Never.
I never wanted kids or a husband. I (thought I) wanted an incredibly obscure academic life. I was going to be *the* expert on suffragette theatre. *THE* expert!
Secretly, I dreamed of a farmer. I never told anyone that but my dying mother.
Then, I met L. Fucker totally ruined my chance to be *the* expert! lol
I love my life now. It’s better than my secret dreams ever said it would be. I know… I know… I’m nauseatingly cutesy, aren’t I? And, damn it… I’d always gone for edgy.
Eh bien… c’est la vie.
I’m totally impressed with this installment of the Thinking Parents Wiki. Very thoughtful (and thought provoking) posts.
This was amazing, funny, and speaks volumes of the wonderful ways children can change us for the better, if we let them!
Funny how kids change everything!
I was also the one who first heard of homeschooling and wondered who the heck would ever do that? and now 13 years of homeschooling later, I know who! Great post Doc.
Oh, man. I just love ya, Doc.